Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a couple of large bags of
Kirkland Dog Food for our Greyhounds, Sheena, Spice, Angel, & Smoke and
was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,
I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Costco Kirkland Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Costco Kirkland nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's
butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.  :-)